An elegy for the loss of friends

Written in August 2022. To read a poem connected to this one, go here.

I was hurt profoundly by an ex-friend.

Days ago, I found out she was dead.

I wonder about the limits of love;

loss should have made me feel the sharpest of pains.

Instead, like a fist clutching ice, I’m numb.

Cold toes in cheap boots would feel sore and numb,

childhood suffering like losing old friends.

The body and heart have nothing and pain.

Years of absence from my life; now she’s dead.

There was affection, admiration — love?

Perhaps mildly — passionate, never.

Saginaw — they say, “never say never” —

I will not go back to that town of the numb,

not even to see my life’s greatest love.

Beautiful, compassionate, my best friend,

I don’t know if she’s alive or dead.

Years of silence — will her loss bring me pain?

Will I feel detached as well as in pain?

Living without her, I thought I would never.

Together forever, ’til we’re both dead.

As I think of us now, I’m going numb.

We celebrated 20 years as friends.

Now there’s near two decades without our love.

Without contact, can there still be our love?

Once, without words from her, I would be in pain.

A void of need, I lusted for my friend.

Fill the chasm I was, she could never.

Now I wonder if she ever felt numb.

Does she feel now that our friendship is dead?

Two friendships in comas before they’re dead.

A bright comrade; and a mad, torrid love.

One distant, past; one permanently numb.

One can be paralyzed and still feel pain.

Will I see them again? Likely never.

No together forever with my friends.

The death of friendships

are never devoid of pain,

but love becomes numb.